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Blonde jokes

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?A: A dope ring.

by (few years ago!) / 557 views
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Who gave you those black eyes?

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.

"Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?"

"Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

An ideal homework excuseTeacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!

by (few years ago!)
THE BAD NEWS AND THE REALLY BAD NEWS


A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face, some even look a little frightened and Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter" he asked

"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news"

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war, that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"

"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra"

by (few years ago!)
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat ?Cats cant drive !

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey jackass. Gimme a beer."

He starts a conversation with the man next to him. A few minutes later he says to the bartender "Hey jackass. Gimme another beer."

The men are talking for a little bit and he finishes his beer. He says to the bartender "Hey jackass. Gimme one more beer."

The man next to him says to the bartender "Don't you ever get tired of being called jackass?"

The bartender says "Naw, he haw, he haw. He always calls me that."

by (few years ago!)
ON JUDGEMENT DAY

At COMDEX Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

• The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

• New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

• The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

• Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.

• You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why did God create a man before a women?You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, youd better be a little boulder."

by (few years ago!)
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