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Blonde jokes

How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself?A: Acupuncture.

by (few years ago!) / 565 views
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Computer jokes

What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Whats a man idea of helping with the housework?Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

by (few years ago!)
A HANDFUL OF QUICKIES

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."



A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."



A guy walks into a bar, and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"
The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."



So a dyslexic walks into a bra . . .



A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve poultry!"
The chicken says "That's OK I just want a drink."



Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?

by (few years ago!)
Things You Hear On A Football Broadcast

The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
It's a game of inches.
That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it.
He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
He found his tight end.
End around.
He had to stretch to get it in.
He's got great hands.
He blows them off (at the line).
He bangs it in.
He could go all the way.
He gets it off just in time.
He goes deep.
He found a hole and slid through it.
He pounds it in.
He beats them off (the line).
He gets penetration into the backfield.

by (few years ago!)
IS THAT YOUR DOG?

A timid little man, walked into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure officer?" asks the blonde."Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?If you dont know you must lose a lot of mail.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?A: Shes trying to hold on to a thought.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, provided theres a programmer around to explain how to do it.

by (few years ago!)
THE HEAVENLY CAT

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.

One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.


by (few years ago!)
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