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How does a blonde commit suicide?A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

by (few years ago!) / 527 views
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REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely,
[your name

by (few years ago!)
IS THAT YOUR DOG?


A timid little man, walked into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?His bark was much worse than its bite !

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybodys job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldnt do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

by (few years ago!)
THE SINGING BULLFROG

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink bThe bartender considers it, and then agree The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"

"Don't worry about it the man answered The frog was really nothing special You see, the rat's a ventriloquist

by (few years ago!)
two blondes killed in forest

Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come across marks in the ground.

One says to another, 'Oh, look at the deer tracks!'

'Those aren't deer trucks, you dumb blonde!' says the other. 'They're bear prints.'

'Deer tracks, you dumb blonde!'

'Bear prints, you dumb blonde!'

Next day's headlines : Two blondes killed by train in forest.


by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Bobby's house and rang the bell. Bobby's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Bobby's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But, how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

by (few years ago!)
Bush jokes about planning for daughter's wedding | KXNet.com North ...

Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, with his joke about the preparations for the May 10th wedding of his daughter Jenna and her fiance, Henry Hager. ...

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

by (few years ago!)
Old Harold

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" and he replies "SEX!!" Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head". "I know, "Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while" "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterwards, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then, one night, Harold didn't turn up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior Citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have? Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's".

by (few years ago!)
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