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Blonde jokes

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.

by (few years ago!) / 559 views
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Religious jokes

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide." The men shrugged and rowed on.By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Dont trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried."For cryin out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"

by (few years ago!)
Three Parrots

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars. Why does the parrot cost so much, asks the man. The shop owner says, well, the parrot knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, What can it do? To which the shop owner replies, to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Having many legal problems, including a divorce, a man had become thoroughly disgusted with lawyers in general. One evening in a bar, the conversation got around to his pet peeve and he started 'venting'. "All lawyers are jerks," he loudly proclaimed.

Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed, and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said, and I am highly offended by it."

"Why is that? Are you a lawyer?" the first man asked.

The second guy replied, "No! I'm NOT a lawyer. I'm a jerk."

by (few years ago!)
Country of Jokes: death of a democracy

I have to interrupt my usually calm blogging on science and other topics to bring you this news: a democracy is dying. While I wish the best to the newest republic in the world, I have to announce that, in the heart of Europe, one of the youngest democracies, celebrating its anniversary today, is as close to death as it has ever been since its inception.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

One day I went over to my neighbors house. She was a blonde and for some reason she was mad at the world. She was in the bathroom and the door was locked. I said, "Come on, you know you don't want to do this!" She said, "I do wanna do this, nobody wants me alive anyways." For some reason I actually beleived her and pushed through the door. She had a rope tied to her ankles. I asked "Aren't you trying to hang yourself?"
"Yes, whats your point?"
"Well, usually when people hang themselves they tie the rope around their necks"
"Yeah well, I tried that, But then I couldn't breathe."

by (few years ago!)
All Blue

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."

The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.

"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"

"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.

Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."

Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.

"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."

After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.

"You want to die?" asks the doctor.

"But...how do I pee?"

"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again. He is very angry.

"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"

"What?"

"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"

The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"

by (few years ago!)
FUN! FUN! FUN!

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."

Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period ... fun period ... fun no period ... worry worry worry!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts.""Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Do clever men make good husbands?SAGE: Clever men dont BECOME husbands!

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, hes finished

by (few years ago!)
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