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Blonde jokes

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.

by (few years ago!) / 532 views
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Blonde jokes

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?A: Double-dumb.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?A: She sneezes.

by (few years ago!)
THE COMPLETE PUZZLE

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house.

When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"

Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!

by (few years ago!)
A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING


In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair.

"Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up."

"I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers."

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

At a Catholic school, there was a "meet the teacher" open house for the 2nd graders. After the meeting, a Nun announced that there would be a small reception afterwards in the cafeteria. All the children and parents filed in, and saw on a table a plate of apples, a plate of cookies, and some water bottles and juice. As the children went through the line, one boy saw that there was a sign on the plate of apples that said, "Take only one. God is watching." So, the boy took an apple and moved on to the cookies. He helped himself, and then took a small piece of paper, and wrote: "Take all you want”. God is watching the apples."


by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?Paul gas coin!

by (few years ago!)
Priorities of Life

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full and they agreed that it was.
Next, he picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So, he picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He again asked the students if the jar was full. They responded with a unanimous "yes".

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

As the laughter subsided, the professor said, "Now, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the faucet. Take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

At that point, one of the students raised her hand and asked what the beer represented.

Smiling, the professor replied, "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

What does a proud computer call his little son?A: A microchip off the old block.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What should you give a man who has everything?A. A woman to show him how to work it.

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And exactly where do you think you're going to find a lawyer

by (few years ago!)
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