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A client who felt his legal bill was too high...

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:

"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50.00."

by (few years ago!) / 555 views
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School jokes

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didnt do."The mother exclaimed, "But thats terrible! Im going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didnt do?"The little girl replied, "My homework."

by (few years ago!)
I just needed to use your car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

by (few years ago!)
THE PUPPY TRADER


Hillary Clinton was on her way somewhere when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy "What kind of puppies are they?"

The boy replies, "They're Democratic puppies, Ma'am." With this she smiles and walks off.

Later on that day she mentions to Bill about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Bill was on his way to McDonald's and saw the boy and his puppies. He stops and asks the boy, "What kind of puppies are they?"

The boy replies, "They're Republican puppies, Sir."

"Republican puppies?" Bill asked. "Last week you told my wife they were Democratic puppies."

The boy replied, "I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you know a blonde has been using the computer A There is cheese in front of the mouse.

by (few years ago!)
Female hormone beer joke

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

A Canadian, a Russian and an American all wanted to show off to each other so they each bought a new toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toilet, the Canadian bought a marble toilet, and the American bought a musical toilet.

The next day, the Canadian came back to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off of it."

The day after that, the Russian came to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit on the toilet I get splinters in my bottom."

The next day, the American came and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit down, I hear my national anthem and I have to stand up."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

Never enough.

by (few years ago!)
Some very common traits in two drunks

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: Where are you from?

Im from Ireland, replies the second man.

The first man responds: You dont say, Im from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland.

Of course, replies the second man.

Im curious, the first man then asks: Where in Ireland are you from?

Dublin, comes the reply.

I cant believe it, says the first man. Im from Dublin too! Lets have another drink to Dublin.

Of course, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?

Saint Marys, replies the second man, I graduated in 62.

This is unbelievable!, the first man says. I went to Saint Marys and I graduated in 62, too!

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. Whats been going on? he asks the bartender.

Nothing much, replies the bartender. The OKinly twins are drunk again.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?A: A thought.

by (few years ago!)
A QUICK ROUND OF SHORTS

A dyslexic walks into a bra...


A guy walks into a bar and says "I'm so thirsty I could like the sweat off a cow's balls."
a guy in the corner says "Moooo!"


Two condoms walking past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

A baby seal walks into a club...


What do you call a basement full of women?
A whine cellar!


Two gays walking past the funeral parlour, one says "fancy popping in and sucking down a couple of cold ones?"


A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm and says "two pints please, one for me and one for the road."


Some Bacon and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender stops them and says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here."


A guy walks into a bar on the moon and says to the bartender "Hey, there's no atmosphere in here!"


Four gays in the bar and only one stool. What do they do?
Turn it over

by (few years ago!)
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