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Blonde jokes

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blondes friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"

by (few years ago!) / 564 views
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Dog jokes

How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer? With dog diskettes!

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There are three blondes stranded on a small island, when they happen to discover a lamp. On one side of the lamp it says, "Rub here for three wishes." So they rub the lamp, and a genie pops out and says, "I will give you each one wish."

The first blonde wishes to be a brunette. She then swims across the small lake.

The second blonde wishes to be a red head. She gets in a boat and rows across the small lake.

Then the third blonde wishes to be a man. He walks across the bridge.

by (few years ago!)
THE SULTAN


The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then,when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.

Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways.

Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P&O Ferries.

Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like something to watch films on." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched all his favourite Western Movies.

Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son, who had caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy,I would like a cowboy outfit." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and bought him Microsoft.

by (few years ago!)
Kid Jokes

A first grade teacher shared a number of well known proverbs with her pupils, asking them to complete the sentence. Their answers were surprisingly insightful.

by (few years ago!)
HOME TRUTHS ON AIR FORCE ONE


Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

by (few years ago!)
You Might Be An Engineering Major

1. If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

2. If you enjoy pain.

3. If you know vector calculus but you cant remember how to do long division.

4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

5. If youve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

6. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

7. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

8. If you always do homework on Friday nights.

9. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

10. If you think in "math."

11. If youve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

12. If you hesitate to look at something because you dont want to break down its wave function.

13. If you have a pet named after a scientist.

14. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

15. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodingers Cat experiment.

16. If you can translate English into Binary.

17. If you cant remember whats behind the door marked "exit" in the computing center.

18. If you have to bring a jacket with you in the middle of summer because theres a wind-chill factor in the lab.

19. If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

20. If you avoid doing anything because you dont want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

21. If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

22. If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

23. If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

24. If youll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

by (few years ago!)
THE PRIEST WHO LOST HIS COCK


A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Joke What’s on your back

A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured.
The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”
The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times.
When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?”
“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American. He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”


by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

An Italian guy and a Jewish guy went out to dinner one night. They went to a very expensive restaurant and were at the restaurant for a couple of hours, talking and carrying on.

Finally, the waiter came over and asked, "Who should I give the check to?"

The Italian guy said, "Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."

"Fine," said the waiter.

The next day the headlines read: "Jewish Ventriloquist Strangled to Death."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you drown a blonde?A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

by (few years ago!)
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