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Blonde jokes

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think Im the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think Im the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!"

by (few years ago!) / 818 views
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Marriage jokes

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300." "Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking." "Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth." "That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. Hed give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

by (few years ago!)
School Cafeteria

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE ... God is watching."
Further along the line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want ... God is watching the apples.

by (few years ago!)
Bar Jokes

A cowboy is sitting in a bar and a cute woman sits down next to him.

She asks:" Are you a real cowbow?"

He says:" Well, I get up in the mornin and feed the stock. I ride a horse. I mend fences and herd cattle. I believe, I'm a real cowboy.

Then the cowboy asks the woman:" What are you?"

She replies:" I'm a lesbian. I get up in the morning and think about women. When I sleep, I dream about women, and when I want to have sex, I want to have sex with women.

After a few minutes the woman leaves and a couple comes in and sits next to the cowboy and asks:" Are you a real cowbow?"

He replies:"I thought I was, but now I think Im a lesbian."


by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Father: How were the exam questions?Son: EasyFather: Then why look so unhappy?Son: The questions didnt give me any trouble, just the answers!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour?A double crosser.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game."I liked it, but I couldnt understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said."What do you mean?" he asked."Well, everyone kept yelling, Get the quarter back!"

by (few years ago!)
Dear Agony Aunt

Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?A: She still hasnt gotten all the hair off her tongue.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jacks wife Tracy."Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesights gotten so bad, Icouldnt see where the ball went.""Youre seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why dont you take my brother Scott along?""But hes eighty-five and doesnt even play golf anymore," protested Jack."Yes, but hes got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you,"Tracy pointed out.The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack."Yup," Scott answered."Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance."I forgot."

by (few years ago!)
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