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What do you call a judge gone bad?

What do you call a judge gone bad?

Senator.

by (few years ago!) / 631 views
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Animal Jokes

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

by (few years ago!)
WORDPLAY

There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."

Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

by (few years ago!)
You Might Be An Engineering Major

1. If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

2. If you enjoy pain.

3. If you know vector calculus but you cant remember how to do long division.

4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

5. If youve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

6. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

7. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

8. If you always do homework on Friday nights.

9. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

10. If you think in "math."

11. If youve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

12. If you hesitate to look at something because you dont want to break down its wave function.

13. If you have a pet named after a scientist.

14. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

15. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodingers Cat experiment.

16. If you can translate English into Binary.

17. If you cant remember whats behind the door marked "exit" in the computing center.

18. If you have to bring a jacket with you in the middle of summer because theres a wind-chill factor in the lab.

19. If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

20. If you avoid doing anything because you dont want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

21. If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

22. If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

23. If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

24. If youll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

by (few years ago!)
EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED

What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?
Gifted!

How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.

Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said "when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom. So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men. The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Which dog eats with its tail All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrivedwithout her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied toher head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you toenter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs."Yes, I see. And your left one isnt bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.

by (few years ago!)
There is a monkey in the bar

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

by (few years ago!)
ANOTHER QUICK RIDDLE


A blond and a brunette jump off the Empire State Building. It takes the blonde 3 minutes longer to hit the ground than it does or the brunette. Why?

She had to stop to ask for directions.

by (few years ago!)
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