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Blonde jokes

A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, Nein! Nein! So two guys walk away.

by (few years ago!) / 596 views
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Similar Jokes

Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

by (few years ago!)
EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

What do you do if a blonde woman throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back.

by (few years ago!)
KNOCK, KNOCK JOKES PARADISE

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Earl
Earl who?
Earl be glad to tell you when you open the door.

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Emma
Emma who?
Emma bit cold out here, will you let me in?

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Howl
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door?

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Aardvark
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a million miles, for one of your smiles...

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Cows
Cows who?
No they don't, they moo!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Albert
Albert who?
Albert you don't know who it is!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Twit2
Twit2 who?
You sound like an owl!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Duey
Duey who?
Duey have to keep telling me Knock, knock jokes??

by (few years ago!)
Is Windows a virus?

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 5

A man's on his deathbed with his wife sitting near him. He says "Dear wife, I must confess certain things to you before I die." She says, "Hush now, husband, you're fading fast."
He says, "But this is really important, I must tell you so I can die with a clear conscience! I slept with your best friend, your sister, and your mother!"
She says, "I know, that's why I poisoned you."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"Well, Mrs. OConnor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. OConnor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. OConnor, looking puzzled. "Oim always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "What Im trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. OConnor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. "What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure its because the man cant hold an intelligent conversation."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

by (few years ago!)
THE INTERN PUBLIC FOLDER


We have a big intern public folder at work, where all interns can post items and discussions, I found this is very amusing:

Intern 1: Does anyone know where and how we can access a high quality scanner and maybe even a photo quality 300dpi printer on campus?

Intern 2: Translation: Does anyone know where I can get access to the necessary equipment for making a fake ID?

Intern 3: Don't jump to conclusions. He could just as well want it to scan pornographic images.

Intern 4: Yes! The past few posts have made it perfectly clear! Intern 1 plans to scan pornographic images onto false identification cards! This will allow him and his friends to:

1) Get into bars
2) Improve the quality of their appearance
3) Give bouncers something to look at besides a smug photo
4) Distract bouncers from the scotch tape edges What a brilliant marketing move! Where can I buy stock in this venture, Intern 1?

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

The racecar driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

by (few years ago!)
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