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Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"

by (few years ago!) / 611 views
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Misc Jokes

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a snake crawl under a bush and went over to it. The other youngster couldn't figure out why his friend was staying by the bush so long since the snake had disappeared.

The other boy went over to the bush to check it out. The first boy pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.

All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away. The second boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

by (few years ago!)
CHAT UP LINE


A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and asks, "Do you want to play magic?"

"What's that?" she replies.

Grinning a little, he continues, "You come back to my place, have sex, then disappear."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no hair? A bald beagle!

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked Say Father, what causes arthritis? The priest replies My son, its caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man Well Ill be darned the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. Im sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? I dont have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.

by (few years ago!)
AN ENGLISHMAN, AN IRISHMAN AND A SCOTSMAN


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.

The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Recently, a friend of mine was watching a segment on television about women tennis players being groped by their coaches.

After hearing that, my friend began to think that maybe he should start coaching women's tennis.

Oh sure, he knows nothing about coaching tennis, but I bet that he could feel his way through it.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, its me!"

by (few years ago!)
WHEN I FIRST STARTED COLLEGE...

When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen."

He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors."

"When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!" George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?" Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful." George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well Ill tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street." Osama asks, "And what do they say?" George answers, "Hell, I dont know. I cant read Hebrew!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to asserthimself. "You dont have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her youre the boss." The husband decided to take the doctors advice. He wenthome, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wifes face, and growled, "From now on youre taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?""I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

by (few years ago!)
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