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Blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before shes too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides shes too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.

by (few years ago!) / 617 views
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Similar Jokes

Medical Jokes

Saw a patient from "another town" that had a car wreck and was brought to our ED with a tib/fib fracture. She had been labeled as having "multiple allergy syndrome", and was being seen at an alternative medicine clinic in a neighboring big city.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

31. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!

32. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

33. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

34. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

35. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

36. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

37. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

38. Always pick on the correct idiom.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; they're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."

13. When running "scandisk," you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.

14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud Oy!"

15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmootz" on your monitor.

16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Shloofie."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class ?Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips !

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, thats him," he replied. The stranger couldnt help but be amused. "That certainly doesnt look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do men float better than women?A: Because they are scum.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

Two blonde men were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other blonde guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde guy got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON! The nails that are pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog ?An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Dance

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happenedbut then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.

In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.

Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.

That must have hurt, said the judge.

No kidding, said the best man. I broke three of my fingers.

by (few years ago!)
PAYING THEIR RESPECTS

An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell.

1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer

" Well today I found out I don't have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave."

Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in."

The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in."

Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."

by (few years ago!)
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