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Blonde jokes

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, shes overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, dont do it..."The blonde yells back, "Shut up! Youre next!"

by (few years ago!) / 580 views
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Marriage jokes

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "Youre what?!?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout."You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and youre going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"The Englishman spoke first."Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men.""That can be arranged," said the terrorist.The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."The terrorist turned finally to the America n."What is your last request?"The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I dont have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

by (few years ago!)
Getting into fights

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's license please?"

"Driver's license? What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's a little card with your picture on it." replied the police man.

"Oh, duh! Here it is." the blonde said as she handed it to the cop.

"May I have your car insurance?" asked the cop.

"What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."

"Oh this? Duh! Here you go." said the blonde.

The cop then takes his d**k out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims, "Oh no, not another Breathalyzer test!"

by (few years ago!)
The number twelve goes to a bar

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

On her way home a dumb blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?A: It is the one with the kickstand

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance being Jesus!"

by (few years ago!)
BILL TAKES A PLANE RIDE


One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, The Dali Lama, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you, you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack

by (few years ago!)
I don't owe anything for this drink

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

by (few years ago!)
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