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Men jokes

Now do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

by (few years ago!) / 537 views
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For Assassination Joke, Huckabee Should Be Off TV

Having joked less than a year ago about killing Mitt Romney (and his supporters), former Republican candidate for president, Mike Huckabee, has now made light of assassinating Sen. Barack Obama.

According to CNN, during his recent speech at the NRA convention in Louisville Kentucky, the former presidential candidate offered the following joke in response to a loud noise off stage:

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

What language do the Vatican Police speak?Pig Latin!

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamedthat you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentines day. Whatdo you think it means?""Youll know tonight." he said.That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it tohis wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled"The meaning of dreams"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ?He was trying to make both ends meet !

by (few years ago!)
A Poo Question

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" She asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the goodstuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 5

A woman was in her front yard, moving her lawnmower when her blonde neighbour came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little while later, she came out and again she checked her mailbox and angrily stormed back into her house. As the woman was getting ready to mow the lawn...she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it closed. Puzzled by her actions the woman asked her "Is something wrong?". To which she replied, "There certainly is!.......
My stupid computer keeps saying "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release (by Mr. Welch himself) stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a manover such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.

4. When your car died on the freeway for no reason, you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT', and then added more seats.

6. Apple would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five per cent of the roads.

7. Oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light.

8. New seats would force every-one to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You would press the 'start' button to shut off the engine.

by (few years ago!)
All Out of Anaesthetic

A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.

He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction.

It all happened in an instant.

The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.

Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"

The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!"

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Why arent football stadiums built in outer space?Because there is no atmosphere!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?A collie-flower !

by (few years ago!)
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