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Throwing away garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from His recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn`t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, Hey you, what are you doing?
I have to throw this away, replied the tourist.
You can`t throw it away here. Look, follow me, the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. Here, said the cop, dump all the garbage you want.
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy? asked the tourist.
No. This is the American Embassy.

by (few years ago!) / 717 views
(Rated 3 Stars - 2 votes)
 

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CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

The guy replies "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but Ive slept with dozens of them."His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

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blonde jokes

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a God!

A blonde thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, and take good care of me ... Huh, what was I thinking about?

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Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer. He gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the cash register. The second bartender whispered to the first, "He's a bear, what does he know, shortchange him." The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change. A little while later the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, "We don't get many bears in this bar." The bear replies, "I'm not surprised, at $10 a beer I sure won't be back again....

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How To Sell Lawnmowers

A young man just got a new
job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell
things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the
counter.

The customer put a bag of
grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant
those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that
grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure
I'll take one."

After the customer left,
the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A
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The man then asked the
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"It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!"

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Computer jokes

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, provided theres a programmer around to explain how to do it.

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Men Vs. Women Jokes

How does an archeologist tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton?
A: He knows it’s a female skeleton if the jawbone is worn down.

by (few years ago!)
Terminology

Important Legal Terminology

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

by (few years ago!)
HILARY VISITS HOSPITAL


Hilary Clinton was taking a tour of a D.C. hospital while working to reform healthcare in the U.S. As she is touring, a doctor is explaining all the different functions of the hospital to her.

Eventually, they pass an open room in the inpatient ward, where Hilary could clearly see a middle aged man masturbating with great enthusiasm. The doctor quickly instructed the floor nurse to close the door. It was too late, Hilary had already seen.

She fiercely looked at the doctor and said, "What kind of hospital are you running here Doctor?"

The doctor calmly explained that the man had a very rare ailment, which required him to ejaculate three times daily, or his testicles would swell and he would die. Hilary accepted the doctor's explanation and they moved on.

A few minutes later, they came across another open room, yet this time they witnessed a nurse on her knees giving a different middle aged man oral sex. Hilary was outraged and called for an immediate explanation.

"It's very simple Mrs. Clinton", said the doctor. "This man suffers from the same ailment as the last man, however he has a much better health plan."

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Dog jokes

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ?Hush puppies !

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