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Throwing away garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from His recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn`t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, Hey you, what are you doing?
I have to throw this away, replied the tourist.
You can`t throw it away here. Look, follow me, the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. Here, said the cop, dump all the garbage you want.
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy? asked the tourist.
No. This is the American Embassy.

by (few years ago!) / 754 views
(Rated 3 Stars - 2 votes)
 

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Computer Problem

The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the two mathematicians standing before it.

After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine.

One mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the other and said with awe, "Do you realise that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations to make a mistake this big?"

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Marriage one liners

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.
He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job.
After the wedding ceremony was over, a little girl asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."
They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But, he finally decided to let her go.
He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

by (few years ago!)
INCREDIBLE DAN QUAYLE QUOTES

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

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"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

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"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 5/9/90

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Business jokes

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932 The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel I invested that nickel in an apple I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which Id accumulated a fortune of $1.37.""And thats how you built an empire?" the boy asked."Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wifes father died and left us two million dollars.

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Lawyer jokes

At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

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RIDING A HORSE

One day a blonde was horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started going too fast and bouncing out of control. The blonde tried with all her might to hang on, but soon was thrown off.

With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse would not stop or even slow down. Just as the blonde was about to give up hope and was losing consciousness...

The K-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse.

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Blonde jokes

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing n hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying youve got mail

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TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION

No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

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6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help.

by (few years ago!)
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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!

by (few years ago!)
THE PERFECT SCAM


Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

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The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.

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