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Women jokes

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? - The dog. Hell shut up once you let him in.

by (few years ago!) / 896 views
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AN IRISHMAN, AN ENGLISHMAN...


Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground.

So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch.

"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.

The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!"

by (few years ago!)
Difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney?

How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?

The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

by (few years ago!)
I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Are you in the top half of your class ?No, Im one of the students who make the top half possible !

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?A chauffeur.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man

by (few years ago!)
Two women talking joke

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 5

Mrs Smith: Don't you think that man over there is the ugliest person you've ever seen?
Mrs Jones: Thats my husband.
Mrs Smith: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
Mrs Jones: You're sorry. . .

by (few years ago!)
A LUCKY BREAK

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled."

by (few years ago!)
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