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Marriage jokes

QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon? ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

by (few years ago!) / 489 views
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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ?Hush puppies !

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

by (few years ago!)
The New York Bar Joke

The year I lived in New York, we had blizzards and ice storms. The pipes in the house my roommate and I rented constantly froze, whether we left the water running or not. One night, a truck full of idiots, who probably had been drinking, lost control and crashed into our house. My roommate’s car was crushed, and the house’s foundation was damaged. I had fallen asleep on the couch, but woke up to the sound of the crash. I went to the window to see someone jump out of the truck and run down the street. The driver saw me at the window, and then quickly drove away. We called the police, but the guys were never caught.


Needless to say, my roommate and I were less than thrilled with the winter weather. So, when we went out to the bar one night, we were less than thrilled when one of the local guys started joking with us about the weather. One joke did crack our icy façade, causing us to laugh

by (few years ago!)
THE GOOD SAMARITAN

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"

"Yep!"

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep."

When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"

"Yep."

Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs.

However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep."

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep."

So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs.

To his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over toward him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, save me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft

by (few years ago!)
Clean the Mouse

How to clean your mouse...

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.

The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.

Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.

However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

by (few years ago!)
He is a very fast drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6


A HUSBAND: The man who knows he is in charge, and has his wife's permission to say so.

by (few years ago!)
Priestly Duties

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

However, the bartender is adamant. The man continues, "If I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?" "Well, I guess so," says the bartender, "however, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone here that your alligator is tame!"

by (few years ago!)
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