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Marriage jokes

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if thats all you want, get a TV!"

by (few years ago!) / 516 views
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Blonde jokes

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

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Blonde jokes

What did the blondes dentist find A Teeth in the cavity.

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Misc Jokes

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule." "We hadnt gone too far when my wifes mule stumbled. My wife quietly said Thats once. We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: Thats twice. We hadnt gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead." "I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, Thats once."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but dont you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

by (few years ago!)
Hair rule? NFL must be joking

With college basketball aplenty, a new baseball season and what should be a very exciting NBA playoffs coming up, it's a wonder why football would garner any headlines right now.

Yet the NFL has made sure it's still on the sports fans' mind. One way the league has done this is by proposing a ban on long hair.

It was reported by the NFL Network that the Kansas City Chiefs proposed a new rule in which players wouldn't be allowed to wear their hair long or flowing out of the back of their helmet. The league's owners are expected to vote on the issue later in the month at a meeting in Florida. But I think I can save all the owners a little time by doing the voting right now.

No.

It's an unnecessary and ridiculous rule. It's legal to tackle a player using their hair if it's hanging out of the back of their helmet, and any player with long hair should know that. If they still want to keep their hair long, why tell them no?

As the NFL Network's Adam Schefter writes, the rule would help in that long hair would no longer "cover or obscure the names on the back of player's jersey."

And, of course, referees refer to each player by number when calling them for a penalty. Announcers have lists of each team's roster with them in the announcing booths, where one of the items on the roster list is player number. Plus, can they read the name on the back of a player's jersey from all the way up in the booth?

As far as I know, no player in the NFL has hair long enough that it completely covers the number on the back of their jersey. Oh, and there is also the front of player's jersey, which too has their number, just in case there is a player with that long of hair.

So the covering up of a player's name shouldn't really be too much of a worry.

Also, long hair is a distinction. It's much easier to recognize a player with long hair in the middle of a game, while action is going on, than a player without long hair. Wouldn't making a player cut their long hair, or hide it in their helmet, just make picking them out of all players on the field more difficult?

by (few years ago!)
Personal injury attorneys to change a light bulb

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

by (few years ago!)
A PARTICULARLY HARD QUESTION


A nun dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says to her, "I'm sure you've lead a virtuous life, Sister, but before I can let you into heaven, you must answer one question. What," asks St. Peter,"were Eve's first words when she saw Adam?"

"Boy," says the nun, "that's a hard one."

"That's right!" says St. Peter, and the pearly gates open wide.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

The Ten Commandments Of EmploymentIf it rings, put it on hold.If it clunks, call the repairman.If it whistles, ignore it.If its a friend, stop work and chat.If its the boss, look busy.If it talks, take notes.If its handwritten, type it.if its typed, copy it.If its copied, file it.If its Friday, forget it!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ?Terrier-fied !

by (few years ago!)
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