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Marriage jokes

A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

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Women jokes

Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?A: It depends on the age.

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Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

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Business jokes

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called intothe personnel directors office. "What is the meaning of this?" thedirector asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had fiveyears experience. Now we discovered this is the first job youve everheld.""Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said youwanted somebody with imagination."

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Men jokes

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.

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Misc Jokes

There were two Jewish women, Ruth and Golda, walking along the street. Ruth says to Golda, "My son, Irving, is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.

Golda says to Ruth, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?"

Ruth answers, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement. It's past time he's settled. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?"

"Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary at home. I'll look it up and call you."

So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth "Ruth, keinahurra (thank goodness!), I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles!"

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blonde jokes

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about twenty miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out ten miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out five miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

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Gates and Lightbulb

Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change the lightbulb??
A: None. He just calls a meeting & makes darkness the standard.

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School jokes

Pupil: I dont think I deserved zero on this test!Teacher: I agree, but thats the lowest mark I could give you!

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Question and answer animal jokes

Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.

Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?
A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!

Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

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Dog jokes

What dog sweats the most and drinks the most water? A hot-weiler!

by (few years ago!)
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