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Marriage jokes

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Fatherasked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike."sighing deeply, she replied, "Thats exactly what he asked me aboutyou."

by (few years ago!) / 539 views
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THE FACTS OF LIFE

Boy: Dad, what's politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don't understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.

The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government's fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!


by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde make best for dinner?A: Reservations.

by (few years ago!)
True stupid story!

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 evening news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a commercial.

Brunette: "I bet you $20 he's going to jump."

Blonde: "Okay."

(Back to newscast.) The man jumps.

Blonde: "Okay. Here's my $20."

Brunette: "No, that was too easy. I can't take it."

Blonde: "I insist. I lost."

Brunette: "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet."

Blonde: "I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice
`

by (few years ago!)
Shortage of parachutes

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.

The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.

The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.

The pope told the brunette to take the last one.

The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

There were three men traveling together, a priest, a farmer and a lawyer. It was starting to get late and they needed to find a place to sleep. They came across this farm and they asked the farmer there if they could spend the night. He said, "That's fine but my guest room is only big enough for two people, one of you will have to sleep in the barn."

The priest said, "I don't mind sleeping with God's creatures, I will take the barn." So they all agreed and went to their rooms.

About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the priest. "There is a chicken in there that won't stop clucking! I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."

"That's okay," said the farmer, "I'll sleep in the barn. After all, I'm used to it." So they all agreed and traded places.

About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the farmer. "I can't stand the odor from that cow in there any more. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."

"Well, I guess that leaves me," said the lawyer. So he went to sleep in the barn.

About an hour later there is a knock at the guest room door and there stands the chicken and the cow.

by (few years ago!)
First Blowjob

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 6 shots of Jack Daniels.

The bartender asks "What's the occasion."

The guy says "Its my first blowjob."

The bartender says "Well if thats the case the 7th is on us."

The guy says "If that won't get the taste out nothing will."

by (few years ago!)
Computer Problem

The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the two mathematicians standing before it.

After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine.

One mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the other and said with awe, "Do you realise that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations to make a mistake this big?"

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes




The Smartest Dog Ever

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How are men like carpet tiles?If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

by (few years ago!)
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