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Lawyer jokes

What is the proper weight for a lawyer?About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!

by (few years ago!) / 549 views
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Blonde jokes

Why dont blondes eat Jelly?A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

by (few years ago!)
THE RABBIT AND THE SNAKE

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.

He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."

The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."

The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."

by (few years ago!)
ANYONE FOR A CIGAR?


A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"

Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But I did send them.", replied the man.

"What?" shouted the lawyer?

"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

On her way home a dumb blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? Ill be home in 1 hour to pick them up." A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked."Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.""No I didnt," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."

"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

There were three men traveling together, a priest, a farmer and a lawyer. It was starting to get late and they needed to find a place to sleep. They came across this farm and they asked the farmer there if they could spend the night. He said, "That's fine but my guest room is only big enough for two people, one of you will have to sleep in the barn."

The priest said, "I don't mind sleeping with God's creatures, I will take the barn." So they all agreed and went to their rooms.

About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the priest. "There is a chicken in there that won't stop clucking! I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."

"That's okay," said the farmer, "I'll sleep in the barn. After all, I'm used to it." So they all agreed and traded places.

About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the farmer. "I can't stand the odor from that cow in there any more. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."

"Well, I guess that leaves me," said the lawyer. So he went to sleep in the barn.

About an hour later there is a knock at the guest room door and there stands the chicken and the cow.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the electrician close early on Mondays?Because business was very light.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 11

My dad said to me, 'Son, today I fought off the powers of darkness.'
I said, 'How did you do that?'
He said, 'I paid the electricity bill.'

by (few years ago!)
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