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Lawyer jokes

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, Im beginning to think I didnt."

by (few years ago!) / 783 views
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School jokes

I failed every subject except for algebra.How did you keep from failing that?I didnt take algebra!

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Marriage jokes

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

by (few years ago!)
Worried Woman

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”



The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

by (few years ago!)
Little Old Lady Knows How to Gamble

A little old lady went into the Bank
of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the
president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's
office.

The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash
out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by
all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash
around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked,
"Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet
you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president,
"That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady
challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the
president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady
then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer
with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident
president.

That night, the president got very
nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls,
turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was
sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's
balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him
to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady
peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well,
Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the
lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady,
"What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing,
except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's
balls in my hand."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Computer helpline?Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow white....

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriendhad proposed but she had turned him down because she foundout he was an atheist, and didnt believe in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the twoof us, well show him just how *wrong* he is."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

What do you do if a blonde woman throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back.

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Marriage jokes

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked upbehind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "Imgoing to kiss you if you cant tell me who I am in three guesses."She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson!Abraham Lincoln!"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

When a lawyer tells his clients that
he has a sliding fee schedule,
what he means is that after he bills you,
it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And exactly where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why dont you see blonde pharmacists? They cant get the bottles into the typewriter!

by (few years ago!)
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