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Lawyer jokes

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?Never enough.

by (few years ago!) / 551 views
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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A regular at Bobs Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful."Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?""Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesnt run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Its because yer feet aint empty."

by (few years ago!)
HORMONE RELACEMENT NEWSFLASH

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't driver.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What dog wears contact lenses ?A cock-eyed spaniel !

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips? Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!

by (few years ago!)
So a murderer walks into a bar...

I'm not actually sure why this bugs me more than the general MeFi snark, but the general internet tendency to make jokes about this murder trial while it's a current event has always left a bad taste in my mouth.

Am I being unneccessarily prudish? Where's the line? Does this cross it?

by (few years ago!)
DOG BITES

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."

A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.

"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.

"That's not my dog."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.

To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic... And that after shave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.

Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You BASTARD... Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother."

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."

by (few years ago!)
Disney Password

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ?Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !

by (few years ago!)
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