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Lawyer jokes

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted."Darling, it was just a shark," said his wife when he came to. "Youve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."

by (few years ago!) / 712 views
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Little Amy confided to her uncle, “When I grow up I’m going to marry the boy next door.”
“Why is that?”
“Cause I’m not allowed to cross the road.”


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Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?A: They take off their makeup

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Golfer: "Ive played so poorly all day; I think Im going to go drown myself in that lake."Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

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A company boss has to decide who to lay someone off. He decides on two low level management employees Jack or Karen. He goes to Karen and says, "I will have to lay you or Jack off."

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And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."And Jesus said, "What?"

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A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
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Bar jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

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THE YOUNG ATTORNEY ON VACATION


For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

by (few years ago!)
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