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Funny Animal Jokes

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.

He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."

The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."

The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."



by (few years ago!) / 940 views
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Similar Jokes

Lawyer jokes

Did you hear that the Unitied States Post Office had to recall
its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit on.

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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractiv A Her ankles.

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Men jokes

How are men like carpet tiles?If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

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Men jokes

Why cant men get mad cow disease?A. Because theyre all pigs.

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Going to the office

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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THE TALKING PARROTS


A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!

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Dog jokes

When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house? - A: When the door is open.

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "Ill have a glass of blood," the first replied. "Ill have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "Ill have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "Thatll be two bloods and a blood light?"

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Computer jokes

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

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Religious jokes

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide." The men shrugged and rowed on.By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Dont trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried."For cryin out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"

by (few years ago!)
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