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In pain

A blonde goes to the doctor and he asks, Whats wrong? She says, I hurt all over. So he says, What do you mean, all over? So the blond takes her finger and pokes her knee. Ow, that hurt. Then she pokes her cheek. Ow, that hurt. Then she touches her earlobe. Ow, even THAT hurt! So the doctor asks, Is blond your natural hair color? The blond says, Yes. The doctor says, You have a broken finger.

by (few years ago!) / 702 views
(Rated 4 Stars - 1 votes)
 

Similar Jokes

THREE BASSKETBALL FANS


Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.

He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profitfrom the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if youd considerreturning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and melast July."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?A: A dependent Claus.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why was the mother flea so unhappy?All her children had gone to the dogs.

by (few years ago!)
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

The guy replies "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."Applicant: "Im the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.

by (few years ago!)
Disarming the Guard

Lem: ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.''

Clem: ''That's awful. What happened?''

Lem: ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.''

Clem: ''What did thief do then?''

Lem: ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''

by (few years ago!)
I get so drunk that I imagine things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

by (few years ago!)
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