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In pain

A blonde goes to the doctor and he asks, Whats wrong? She says, I hurt all over. So he says, What do you mean, all over? So the blond takes her finger and pokes her knee. Ow, that hurt. Then she pokes her cheek. Ow, that hurt. Then she touches her earlobe. Ow, even THAT hurt! So the doctor asks, Is blond your natural hair color? The blond says, Yes. The doctor says, You have a broken finger.

by (few years ago!) / 653 views
(Rated 4 Stars - 1 votes)
 

Similar Jokes

SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT


A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police.

by (few years ago!)
BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to rest room, practice in front of mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender before departure.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth with bag.

SYMPTOM: Consciousness regained without recollection of how you got there.
FAULT: Probable time and/or space warp.
ACTION: Ask bartender for another Beer



by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?A: A competent liberal President.

by (few years ago!)
Mountain Bike

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.

"How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

by (few years ago!)
A STRING IN THE TALE


Two pieces of string meet one day in the park and while one goes on the slide the other goes on the swings. They're having a great time until one string decides to go on the roundabout.

After a while, the string feels really dizzy and falls off, scraping across the tarmac and making as tangled mess of one end and falling in a heap. The second string looked at him and sighed "you're not very good on that roundabout are you?"

The first string looked at himself and said "I'm a frayed knot".

by (few years ago!)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN...

Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

Your phone bill is delivered in a box.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

You forget what year it is.

You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

by (few years ago!)
HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT?


A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.

The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoahs court!

by (few years ago!)
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