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In pain

A blonde goes to the doctor and he asks, Whats wrong? She says, I hurt all over. So he says, What do you mean, all over? So the blond takes her finger and pokes her knee. Ow, that hurt. Then she pokes her cheek. Ow, that hurt. Then she touches her earlobe. Ow, even THAT hurt! So the doctor asks, Is blond your natural hair color? The blond says, Yes. The doctor says, You have a broken finger.

by (few years ago!) / 650 views
(Rated 4 Stars - 1 votes)
 

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Few Funny Bumper stickers

If we arent supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

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Political jokes

How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. They havent got a policy on that.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What did God say after she made Eve?"Practice makes perfect."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a womans means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

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SISTER SUSAN PILES ON THE POUNDS


A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.

"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

by (few years ago!)
THE JEWISH BEGGAR


An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"

And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"

And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Whens the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff -doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - damn near killed 'em
Recovery Room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tablet
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited

by (few years ago!)
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