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Sport jokes

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didnt hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didnt waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age Id hit the ball right over that tree." With that chal lenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

by (few years ago!) / 1062 views
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Sport jokes

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!

by (few years ago!)
CAUGHT IN THE ACT

This Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his wife. Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story.

"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?" the bartender asked.

"Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and came straight back here. Shoot, they we're just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple more beers."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet."Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked."Yes, it is," the woman replied."Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"

by (few years ago!)
Lots more wedding jokes ...

This couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked; if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. "Heavens no" he replied. Murder yes, but never divorce.

There were these two women who were friends and neighbours. One noticed that the other always seemed to have lots of new goodies; jewelry, furs, latest fashions, frequent hair salon trips & manicures, etc. She asked:" how do you get all that great stuff?"" I do it by charging my husband five dollars every time we have sex", she said; "and you can do the same, it really adds up. But you must remain firm. Don't let him talk you into accepting less, don't let him coax you into doing it for no charge"."Great", she said, "that sounds easy, I"ll do it". So, the next time her hubby wanted to have sex, she said: "from now on, you have to give me five dollars each time we have sex" She also told him why."Oh, I see", he said; "okay". He then went to get the money, but realized that he had only $4.50 She refused to accept it: "If we have sex you must give me the full amount, five bucks". He said: "Alright, so we can't have sex; but can I touch you for the $4.50? "We'll just make-out, okay?" "Okay" she said. As her hubby kissed her, fondled her body, rubbed against her, etc. she got really hot and bothered. Finally, she was so turned on, that she said to him: "If it's all the same to you, I'll lend you fifty cents until tomorrow".

by (few years ago!)
A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.

Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."

St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"

Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."

St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"

Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."

St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply ?Paul gas coin !

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A Bloodhound.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam.

"Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient.

"My wife is a zebra

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldnt figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and its a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something youd like to have dinner with.

by (few years ago!)
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