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Sport jokes

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didnt hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didnt waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age Id hit the ball right over that tree." With that chal lenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

by (few years ago!) / 1080 views
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How do I get across that river?

A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

"How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

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One day, an engineer died. He was the kind of engineer that built stuff, like air conditioners. When he died, he went to heaven, and met God. God said, "Hey! You're not on the list! Go to Hell!"

So he walked down about 2,500,001 flights of stairs, and met the devil. He said, "Okay. Come on in!" While in hell, he made all sorts of things, like escalators, air conditioners, etc.

One day, God called the devil and said, "You know that engineer? Well, he's suppose to be up here."

So the devil said, "Are you crazy? I won't give you this guy!"

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IT DOESN’T ADD UP

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"

"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."



by (few years ago!)
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Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think Ill walk on the water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "Whats the problem?" and Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"

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Marriage Jokes - Marital Advice

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”

“My wife is poisoning me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “Are you sure? Why would she do such a thing?”

The man then pleads, “I don’t know why, but I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”

The Rabbi thinks a bit, then says, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke with your wife. I called her and we talked on the phone for 3 hours.
You want my advice?”

“Yes, yes, of course.” said the man.

The Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”

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