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A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "Its not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "Its not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "Its not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?""Ten years!", he says.She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since youve had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, thats fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since youve had some real fun?" And the man replies, "Wow! Dont tell me that youve got golf clubs in there!"

by (few years ago!) / 627 views
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Similar Jokes

LIFE AS A MOLE


A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"

The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"

The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses....

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Two weeks after that the guy went to the fair and brought his parrot with him. Far off in the distance the parrot heard "Hit the doll, win a prize!" And so he repeated him.

That Sunday the guy and his parrot went to chruch and when the priest began his speech, "God lives up there." And he gestured to the celing and the parrot then said, "Bologna! Bologna! Bologna!" The priest ignored him. Again he started, "The devil lives down there." And he gestured to the floor. The parrot then spoke, "Get a rope, pull him up. Get a rope, pull him up. Get a rope, pull him up!"

by (few years ago!)
THE GIRAFFE


A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening.

Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave.
The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?"

The guy replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ?Slush puppies !

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What are the worst six years in a blondes life?A: Third Grade.

by (few years ago!)
TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS


1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.

3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.

4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

6 Yes of course I'm female...

7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?

9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type)




by (few years ago!)
Contagious

A third grade teacher asks her students to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence.
Cathy stands up and says, "Last summer I had the mumps and my mother said it was contagious."

"Very good, Cathy," the teacher says. "Does anyone else have a sentence?"

Julie, a sweet little girl in the front row, stands up and says, "My grandmother says there's a bug going around and it's contagious."

"Excellent, Julie," says the teacher, as she looks around the class and sees Little Johnny waving his hand impatiently. "Yes, Little Johnny, do you have a sentence?"

Little Johnny quickly jumps up and says, "The lady next door was painting her porch with a one inch brush and my dad said it would take the contagious."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

This is page 5 of jokes and funny stories about animals.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ?Melon-collie !

by (few years ago!)
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