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Blonde Space Talk

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, We were the first in space! The American said, We were the first on the moon! The Blonde said, So what, were going to be the first on the sun! The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. You cant land on the sun, you idiot! Youll burn up! said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, Were not stupid, you know. Were going at night!

by (few years ago!) / 614 views
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Business jokes

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

by (few years ago!)
A PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION


One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"

God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."

So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"

"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

"I did that Adam so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"

"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

How do you make holy water?A. Boil the hell out of it.

by (few years ago!)
A LUCKY BREAK

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting in front of a church and they each had charity boxes in front of them to collect money. The church goers that were passing by couldn't believe the nerve of the rabbi, and purposely threw large sums of money into the priest's charity box to spite the rabbi. Finally one of the passer-by had sympathy on the rabbi, and advised him, "Go to a synagogue and collect there, you'll have more success." The Rabbi thanked the passer-by, and then turned to the priest and said, "You here that, Yankel; he's telling us how to do business."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians." Democrats dont either, as long as the Indians win.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Several weeks later, Mama Stork was late for dinner. Papa and Baby waited for a long while, then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't make it home till late the next morning.

When she tiredly sank into her favorite chair, Baby asked her, "Mama, where were you all last night?" "I was out making a young couple very happy," she sighed.

by (few years ago!)
Resume Mistakes Reasons for leaving

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

School Principal: Ive called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldnt use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy." Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

by (few years ago!)
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