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Men jokes

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no womenaround to hear him, is he still wrong?

by (few years ago!) / 576 views
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Sport jokes

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?The scenter spot!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying youve got mail."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What did the dog do when the panhandler put the bite on him?Bit him, naturally.

by (few years ago!)
INTELLIGENT CAR RADIO


A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!"

...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

These three guys are sitting at a bar arguing which one has the ugliest wife. The conversation begins to get heated to the point of the barkeeper telling them to get the hell out or shut up! In fact he says, "Why don't you settle it once and for all and just visit each others house and decide for yourselves."

"Damn Good idea," they agree, finish their drinks and make off for the first guy's house. Upon arriving he bangs on his door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two. "Not so fast," says the second, "I got that beat."

And off they go to his house. He bangs on the door and his wife comes to the door, and all three step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet but the third guy says, "Sorry. I've got you both beat."

He goes to his house and walks right in, there's no sign of anyone around. He stomps his foot on the trap door in the floor and they all hear a voice say: "Is that you honey?" "Yeah it's me," he says. "Do you want me to come out?" she asks "Yes please," he says. "Should I put the bag on my head?" she asks. He says, "No. I don't want to screw you! I just want to show you off

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?A: Play ball.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Not that my wifes the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, Im so happy to meet you. Im your husbands new secretary."Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"

by (few years ago!)
INCREDIBLE DAN QUAYLE QUOTES

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 5/9/90

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?""A mongoose.""What for?""Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and Im scared to death of snakes. Thats why I got this mongoose, for protection." "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes." "Thats okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

by (few years ago!)
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