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Men jokes

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?Both of them.

by (few years ago!) / 671 views
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Sisters of Mercy

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"

Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."

Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.

He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?"

The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room.

He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door. Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun.

He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?He couldnt control his pupils!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde Coyote

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?A. Theyre hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they dont work.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?Leeds.

by (few years ago!)
THE GOOD SAMARITAN

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"

"Yep!"

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep."

When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"

"Yep."

Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs.

However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep."

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep."

So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs.

To his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over toward him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, save me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"



by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots, whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach you parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

There was a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world, Amsterdam, the Netherlands. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all the beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of Budweiser ordered a Bud, the president of Miller ordered a Miller Lite, Peter Coors ordered a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asked Arthur Guinness what he wanted to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness ordered a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues asked.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There were three women were at their gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman, "In what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top," the first woman replied. "You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top," was the reply. "You will have a baby girl," said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "WhatÕs the matter?" asked the doctor.

The blonde replied, "Oh no! Am I going to have puppies?

by (few years ago!)
FIVE WHISKEY SHOTS


A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served.

Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have.", said the man.

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man drunkenly replies, "I have a dollar.

by (few years ago!)
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