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Marriage jokes

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best friend Mike. "Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?" his friend suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "Ive tried that many times - it never worked."

by (few years ago!) / 646 views
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Similar Jokes

Miseducation of Man and Woman

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?He puts down the three and carries the one.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?A: Some traffic signs say stop

by (few years ago!)
Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Huntin".

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

by (few years ago!)
THE GREAT BLONDE KIDNAP


A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde

by (few years ago!)
Office Inspirational Posters

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ?Melon-collie !

by (few years ago!)
How have times changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.

Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals

Here are some jokes and funny stories about animals including dogs, horses and ducks.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer with an IQ of 10?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?

A lawyer.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?

Your honor.

by (few years ago!)
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