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Lawyer jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested."Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

by (few years ago!) / 730 views
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Blonde jokes

A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons." True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous.

"But wait!" he cried. "This alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone." However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?" "Well, I guess so," says the bartender. "However, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame."

The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts. "Sit up." With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist. BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator rears up on its tail.

"Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator opened its huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligatorÕs mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE!" BANG. BANG. BANG. As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops just short of biting the guys d**k off.

The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. The alligatorÕs mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd. Now would anyone else like to try this?"

A blonde in the back says, "Yeah, I'll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard."

by (few years ago!)
Language Jokes

Language Jokes June 1, 2008 at 8:37 am (Animal Jokes, Animals, Clean, Comedy, Famous Jokes, Free, Fun, Funny, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humour, Joke, Jokes, Short Jokes, Silly) Tags: Funny, Funny Jokes, Humour, Jokes, Language, Language Jokes Language Jokes What language do pigs speak? Swine language.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like coffee.The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

by (few years ago!)
Why Smoking Pot Is Better Than Classes

1. Pot is a quicker and more efficient way to fry your brain.

2. When you smoke pot, even your Calculus TA turns you on.

3. If you ever run for president, you could claim that you didnt inhale.

4. Pot makes dorm food taste good.

5. Pot is easier to get than most text books.

6. It takes twenty minutes to walk to class. In that time, you could smoke enough pot to be dreaming about Kathy Ireland for a week.

7. Class would never make you want to run naked through the fountain in the middle of January.

8. Pot clears the mind and soul. Class clutters it.

9. Smoking pot is much cheaper.

10. What you learn in class is gone in a matter of minutes. Pot can stay in your system for up to a year.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.Pupil : How long for the answer sir !

by (few years ago!)
THE DEVIL INSIDE

The Devil walks into a crowded bar. Within seconds the bar emptied with people running out screaming all over the place, all except for one old boy leant over the bar.

The Devil wanders across to the old boy and says "Do you know how I am?"

The old man took another sip of his beer and answered "Yep"

The Devil stared at the old man and asked "Well aren't you afraid?"

The old boy looks the Devil up and down for a minute and shrugs "nah, I've been married to your sister for 40 years. Why the hell should I be scared of you?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determinedto track down the father to extract revenge."Was it my friend Sam", he demanded."No !" his weeping wife replied."Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked."NO !!!" she said even more upset."Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked."Dont you think I have any friends of my own

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?A. "Thanks for the refill!"

by (few years ago!)
Hair Smell

An office secretary stands by the water cooler taking a drink when a male co-worker stands in front of her and takes a deep long inhale and says, your hair smells great. The secretary says thank you and returns to her desk.
This same situation occurs everyday for the next couple of weeks, so she finally makes a complaint to the office supervisor. She explains the situation and says she wants to file a report for sexual harrassment.
The supervisor says I know this has been annoying but how can you claim sexual harrassment?
She says it's Keith the midget that's doing this.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?Close the door.

by (few years ago!)
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