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Lawyer jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested."Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

by (few years ago!) / 768 views
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Similar Jokes

21, 21, 21

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."

Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?"

The brunette replies, "Just counting."

The blonde says, "May I join you?"

"Yes," replies the brunette.

So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying," 21, 21, 21..."

A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit.

After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blondes dentist find?A: Teeth in the cavity.

by (few years ago!)
Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor

I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

I don't get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep on the job after brief work period

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: What is cant short for ?Pupil: Cannot missTeacher: and what is dont short for Pupil: Doughnut !

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldnt make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, "When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same way."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?A: It changes their blood type.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?""A mongoose.""What for?""Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and Im scared to death of snakes. Thats why I got this mongoose, for protection." "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes." "Thats okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.

by (few years ago!)
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