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Lawyer jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested."Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

by (few years ago!) / 703 views
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Women jokes

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time Im not eating is when Im sleeping!"

by (few years ago!)
A MANAGER'S DILEMA


An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.

Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.

Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said,
"Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

by (few years ago!)
Job Titles Descriptions

Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the t rain went through your ranch that morning. I didnt have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, Ill tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

by (few years ago!)
A Poo Question

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" She asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the goodstuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

by (few years ago!)
MISCONSTRUED QUESTIONS?


The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said: "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal." The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6

'Are you married?'
'No, I've always been round-shouldered.'

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Id like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.Pupil: You have my permission !

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question? Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night?He used a skeleton key.

by (few years ago!)
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