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Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will

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Dr. Doctor

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.

They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.

Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives."

But is was still not good! So they tried:

"Minds and Behinds"

"Analysis and Anal Cysts"

"Nuts and Butts"

"Freaks and Cheeks"

"Loons and Moons"

"Lost Souls and Ass Holes"

None worked.

Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:

"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."

APPROVED!

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game."I liked it, but I couldnt understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said."What do you mean?" he asked."Well, everyone kept yelling, Get the quarter back!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Dont Walk."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Youre spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?No, theyve always been blue!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why dont blondes like to make Kool-Aid?They cant get eight cups of water into that little packet.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES - WALKE IN A BAR

A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of your best" he says to the bar man.

Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables. He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?"

"Yes" the old man replies.

"Do you want a pint?"

"No, ta. I've got one `ere."

by (few years ago!)
REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE


The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely,
[your name

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 5

MABEL: When I'm old and ugly, will you still love me?
PERCY: I do, don't I?

by (few years ago!)
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