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Last week, I stopped to pick up some Kentucky Fried Chicken and decided I would buy two "Family Specials." I asked the young blonde lady for one regular and for one extra-crispy.

The blonde teenager replied that she could not do that. She explained that they were pushing their regular, so she could not sell a whole bucket of extra crispy. "But," she added, "I can make it half and half."

"You mean you can sell me a whole family dinner with half regular and half extra-crispy, and also sell me another just like it?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied brightly. And so she did

by (few years ago!) / 486 views
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Jokes about God & Religion

A little boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" His mother says," God is bothe male and female." The little boy is still confused and asks his mother, "Is God black or white?" His mother says, "God is both black and white." The confused little boy asks again, "Is God gay or straight?" The mother replies, "God is both gay and straight!" The little boy is really confused and asks his mother, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is soproud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" inspite of her objections.One night they go to a party. The man decides that its time to gohome, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. Heshouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back,"Anytime youre ready, Father of Four!"

by (few years ago!)
What do you have when a lawyer is buried...

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

DOS Air: Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane,
push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits
the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop
on, jump off...

Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the
same, talk the same, and act the same. When you ask them questions
about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need
to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Windows Airlines: The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants
courteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier
operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above
the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning.

OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty - only a few prospective
passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just
departed, although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline
personnel apologize profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing
from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each
passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much
safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a
little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe
until mid-2005. Maybe longer

by (few years ago!)
Computer & IT Jokes

Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

by (few years ago!)
A PASSING COMPLIMENT


A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!". Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt".

At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts" answered the bartender.

"Say what?"

"You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts...they're complimentary.

by (few years ago!)
Microsoft versus GM

Microsoft vs. GM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."

Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

And...

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is a Chihuahuas favorite sport? Miniature golf!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it ?A sausage dog !

by (few years ago!)
A STORY ABOUT EVERYBODY

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

by (few years ago!)
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