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Non Joking Ivorians

There is another team in the so-called group of death that hails from the continent of Africa.This team has players with special characters as well.

Many of these players honed their skills while running to school mostly barefooted as children.This aspect has worked to their advantage,such that they can outsprint a cheetah.This aspect of their game works for them such that when they get the ball,they end up leaving their opponents gasping for breath.

The only terrible aspect about it,is that they sometimes lose control of their braking system,so they find themselves running into people in the stands who are watching.

They also have well developed muscles.Their bulging muscular frames usually make someone think that some additional sort of material has been fixed inside their bodies.They resemble more of body builders than soccer players.

Thsi works to their advantage,because when an opponent just looks at their advancing frames,one usually leaves the ball alone and flees to the referee for refuge,so that he does not get hospitalised by the weird combination of speed and fridge-shaped bodies.

They acquire these types of physique by eating a double share of some traditional african food which contains some special properties than can bulge up the thinnest person to herculean proportions in just one day.

by (few years ago!) / 661 views
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SO CORNY IT HURTS!


A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate."

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair." The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!" And to this very day, he is in the hospital.


by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he senthis wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reasonfor his haste he shivered and replied: "Im afraid that if I shouldever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try torepossess me."

by (few years ago!)
Sobriety Test

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

by (few years ago!)
Double Entendres Out The Wazoo

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary.

He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision. So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...' And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I've got a headache!'

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ?He gets splinters in his mouth !

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Recently one Congressman from a Bible belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."

He continued, "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."

by (few years ago!)
Will and Guy's wedding jokes, short stories and funny pictures

Here is a page of our free, clean but funny wedding jokes. The first section are one liners while the second section are short stories, at the bottom are funny pictures of weddings. Research to your wedding speech or just enjoy the best of Will and Guy's wedding jokes.

by (few years ago!)
Making a Confession

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.

The priest coughs to attract the drunk mans attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replies, No use knockin, pal. Theres no paper.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband ishaving an affair with his secretary.""I dont believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."Youre just saying that to make me jealous !!!"

by (few years ago!)
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