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office jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law.

"Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

by (few years ago!) / 597 views
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He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"

The guy innocently replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink.

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A man walks into a barber shop with his daughter. The girl is eating her favorite snack: a Twinkie. She stands very close to her father as he gets his hair cut in the chair.
After a few minutes of snipping away, the barber looks down at the girl and says, ''Sweetie, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie!''

The girl says, ''Yeah, I know. I'm gonna get boobies too!''

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THE SNAKE AND THE RABBIT


A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the point where the pathways meet. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.

The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

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Blonde jokes

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

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After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her.

Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.

As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

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THE DEAF DRUNKS

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

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The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.

The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.

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Blonde jokes

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No More Blonde Jokes at Heigl’s Expense

In the pilot episode of Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Izzie Stevens begs to be taken seriously as a doctor, not stereotyped as just a hot blonde.

She eventually earned respect — and the actress who portrays her, Katherine Heigl, won the same battle with her performances at season's end.

At the end of Season Two, a heartbreaking story line in which transplant patient and Izzie love interest Denny Duquette (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) dies has given Heigl the status she has sought to attain as a proven actress.

"For me in this industry, I think it helped people to see me as more than just a face or a body, which was very gratifying. I have waited probably my entire career to do something more with what I have than just what people expect," Heigl told the New York Daily News.

The 27-year-old actress and model previously starred on the WB's Roswell, and has nearly a dozen film credits to her name. But the emotional scenes on Grey's Anatomy, especially the climactic one in which Izzie arrived to see Denny after his successful heart transplant only to find he had died from medical complications, took her to another level.

The powerful scene came from a real place, Heigl said. Her older brother died when she was seven, and the Connecticut native used those memories, and her family's stories, to capture what she imagined Izzie's emotional response would be.

"He was 15. A week from his 16th birthday, and he was in a car accident," Katherine said. "It's one of those things that pretty much devastates an entire family for years and years, and then it changes the entire dynamic for the rest of your life… Everything is different forever now. But I have an amazing family, and I think that we have lived with it gracefully."

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Bar jokes

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And the alligator opened its huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligator's mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but don't bite." BANG. BANG. BANG.

As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops just short of biting the guys d**k off. The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. The alligator's mouth opens wide again.

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