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The Rules of Bureaucracy

Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

by (few years ago!) / 695 views
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Similar Jokes

How do you recognize a blonde in school?A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board

How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?A: Shes the one on her bike.

by (few years ago!)
Business Trip

On a business trip to San Diego, I was feeling little lonely. So I went to the local house of ill-repute and asked for Sarah Jones. After a wild evening, Sarah said I was the best and she was sorry that she had to ask for $100. I smiled and gave her $200. The next night, we were at it again. Later she apologetically asked for another $100 since she "works for a living". I smiled and gave her another $200. The third night, I dropped by for one last roll in the hay. Afterwards, she asked for the $100. When I gave her another $200 and told her that I had to return to Boston. She remarked that she had a sister in Boston and I said, "I know. Your sister asked me to bring you $600!"

by (few years ago!)
TESTING TIMES

A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.

The bartender says "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball! GET OUT NOW!" so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.

Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.

The bartender says " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?"

The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"

by (few years ago!)
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE


An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldnt accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "Youre not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"The Lord smiled and replied, "Whos he going to tell?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 5

A woman was in her front yard, moving her lawnmower when her blonde neighbour came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little while later, she came out and again she checked her mailbox and angrily stormed back into her house. As the woman was getting ready to mow the lawn...she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it closed. Puzzled by her actions the woman asked her "Is something wrong?". To which she replied, "There certainly is!.......
My stupid computer keeps saying "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

When do computers go to sleep?When its internight.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What can save a dying blonde?A: Hair transplants.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes

A blonde had used up all of her sick days so what did she do?
A. She called in dead.

by (few years ago!)
TWO BUILDERS

Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.

"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.

"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.

Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."

"A what?" asked the builder.

"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"

A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."

"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"

"A pond" the builder replied.

"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."

"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.

"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."

The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."

"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."

"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.

The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."

"Never!" the builder exclaimed.

"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"

The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents.

On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"

"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist.

"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.

"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"

"No" replied his mate.

"Well, you're a tosser then!

by (few years ago!)
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