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computer jokes

12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."

13. When running "scandisk," you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.

14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud Oy!"

15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmootz" on your monitor.

16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Shloofie."

by (few years ago!) / 606 views
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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says Sorry we dont serve snails and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... What did you do that for!

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kid jokes

What do you call a person who goes on talking when nobody listens?
A. A teacher

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Signing In Bed

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they cant see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. Honey, she signs, Why dont we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. And if you dont want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis fifty times!

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School jokes

Be sure that you go straight home after schoolI cant, I live just round the corner !

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Sports jokes

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.

One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set.

"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"

"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"

"Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

by (few years ago!)
THE INFAMOUS GOONY BIRD

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of dog always needs a shave A bearded collie!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase." Employee: "Thats because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?" Boss: "Right. Except for the us part."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ?He gets splinters in his mouth !

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

Here was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.

The old man replied, "Nope."

So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs.

As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."


by (few years ago!)
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