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computer jokes

12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."

13. When running "scandisk," you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.

14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud Oy!"

15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmootz" on your monitor.

16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Shloofie."

by (few years ago!) / 593 views
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Similar Jokes


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I’m a divorce lawyer."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why does a dog wag its tail? - A: No one else will do it for them

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

If the State of the Union is really "the best its ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance being Jesus!"

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

No one ever says: "It's only a game,"
when their team is winning.

Overheard in doctor's waiting room:

I used to watch golf on televison,
but my doctor said that I needed more exercise.
So now I watch tennis

by (few years ago!)
Things You Hear On A Football Broadcast

The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
It's a game of inches.
That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it.
He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
He found his tight end.
End around.
He had to stretch to get it in.
He's got great hands.
He blows them off (at the line).
He bangs it in.
He could go all the way.
He gets it off just in time.
He goes deep.
He found a hole and slid through it.
He pounds it in.
He beats them off (the line).
He gets penetration into the backfield.

by (few years ago!)
Football Blonde

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game.

"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."

"What on earth do you mean???"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin, and one team got it, and then, for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'"

by (few years ago!)
Piano Monkey

At a piano bar in downtown New York City. The pianist sends his monkey down the bar to collect dollars and change everytime he plays a different melody on his piano.

A drunkard walks up to the bar, and orders a fresh mug of beer.The pianist just finishing another piano number. Send his monkey down the bar to collect tips. As the piano monkey makes his way down the bar. He stops and takes a piss directly into the drunkards beer. So the drunkard then walks over to the piano where the pianist is playing.He then slams his beer down onto the piano,and says Do you know your monkey just pissed in my beer??? The pianist replies Well if you recite a few lines I might be able to pick it up

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 4

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

by (few years ago!)
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