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lawyer jokes

"Well," the friend said, "I ran into a lawyer."

"Okay," said the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?"

His friend replied, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

by (few years ago!) / 501 views
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Computer jokes

Where does an elephant carry its laptop?In its trunk.

by (few years ago!)
Antomy Note

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, ''Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.''

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, ''Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.'' With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, ''The pupil of the eye, in dim light.''

''Correct,'' said Mr. Perkins. ''And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.''

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing ona large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopheraccidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiffstepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed itand walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleagueasked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It wasokay, but would you believe that guy cant swim?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 5

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

by (few years ago!)
Trump Jr.: 'Death Threat Wedding Speech Was A Joke'

Ivana Trump's son was joking when he threatened to kill his mother's new husband, Rossano Rubicondi, at the couple's wedding last month. Donald Trump Jr. handed over his mother to her Italian fiance with a chilling warning for the 35-year-old groom.

He remarked in front of the wedding's 500 guests: "We are a construction company and we have job sites, we lose people. You better treat her right, because I have a .45 and a shovel."

And though Trump Jr. admits he has spoken to the groom "man to man" about an incident when his mother called police to remove Rubicondi from her home earlier this year, he insists the speech was all in good fun.

He says, "Rossano's always been straight up with me. If he treats her with respect, that's all you can ask."

The couple wed in a lavish ceremony at the Palm Beach, Fla., estate of Trump's ex-husband, property mogul Donald.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What are the blondes first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Did you hear that the Unitied States Post Office had to recall
its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit on.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Where do old bowling balls end up?In the gutter!

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a snake crawl under a bush and went over to it. The other youngster couldn't figure out why his friend was staying by the bush so long since the snake had disappeared.

The other boy went over to the bush to check it out. The first boy pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.

All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away. The second boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

by (few years ago!)
WHILE OUT JOGGING ONE MORNING

One day George Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Bush.

"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful Bush.

"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"

"No -- but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning."

by (few years ago!)
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