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lawyer jokes

However, he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

by (few years ago!) / 584 views
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Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 2

A man and tall brown bear wearing a hat go into a bar.
Man: I'll have a pint of beer, and the bear'll have a large Matabooboo.
Bartender: What's a Matabooboo?
Bear: Nuttin' Yogi.

by (few years ago!)
HIGH SCHOOL VS COLLEGE

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.

21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.

20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)

17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.

16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.

15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.

12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."

8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.

6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

5. College men are cuter than high school boys.

4. College women are legal.

3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.

2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes

The science graduate asks, "Why does it work?" The engineering graduate asks, "How does it work?" The accounting graduate asks, "How much does it cost?" The liberal arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase." Employee: "Thats because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?" Boss: "Right. Except for the us part."

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls ?Cornflakes !

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why dont blondes like buttered toast?A: They cant figure out which side the butter goes on.

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more paid of false teeth...try them."The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him."I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? Ive been looking for a good dentist."The man replied, "Im not a dentist. Im the local undertaker."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Whats the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?A: The blonde works in the dark!

by (few years ago!)
Will and Guy's wedding jokes, short stories and funny pictures

Here is a page of our free, clean but funny wedding jokes. The first section are one liners while the second section are short stories, at the bottom are funny pictures of weddings. Research to your wedding speech or just enjoy the best of Will and Guy's wedding jokes.

by (few years ago!)
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