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Devil and Golf

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

by (few years ago!) / 922 views
(Rated 5 Stars - 2 votes)
 

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Religious jokes

Why didnt Noah go fishing? A: He only had two worms!

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KNOCK, KNOCK JOKES PARADISE

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who's there?
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Earl be glad to tell you when you open the door.

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Emma bit cold out here, will you let me in?

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Howl
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Cargo beep beep!

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Animal jokes

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

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Pregnant

K. C. lived very far from town, his wife was pregnant and about due.

He went to see the doctor because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to get his wife to the doctor in time for the birth of his first baby.

The doctor told him, "K.C. , there's nothing to worry about. You've delivered calf's from a cow before haven't you?"

K. C. says, "Yes"

The doctor says, "Well it's the same thing involved when a woman gives birth to a baby."

K. C. leaves much less worried.

A few weeks later K. C. stops by the doctor's office and tells the doc. "I'm the proud father of a 9-pound boy." He smiles.

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K. C. answers, "Yeah, just one thing, I almost had to beat the shit out of her to make her eat the afterbirth.

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MORE AMAZINGLY REAL EXTRACTS FROM AMERICAN COURTROOMS

Are you married? "
"No, I'm divorced."
"And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
"A lot of things I didn't know about."

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"Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
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"Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

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"Doctor did you say he was shot in the woods?"
"No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

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"Could you see him from where you were standing? "
"I could see his head."
"And where was his head?"
"Just above his shoulders."

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"...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
"The victim lived."

* * *

"What happened then?"
"He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
"Did he kill you?"
"No."

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"Can you describe the individual?"
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
"Was this a male, or a female?"

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"Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."

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"Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
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FIRESIDE TALES

Three men are sat around the camp fire, knocking back a few whiskeys and chewing the fat. The conversation soon turned to their animals as all the men owned dogs.

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Not to be outdone, the second man said "Well, my dog is called Stoneworker, watch this." With that he instructed the dog who promptly fetched a rock over and began gnawing away at it. Within minutes the dog and carved out a beautiful stone figurine.

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Very Funny and intelligent Blonde

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Why Throwing Up Is Better Than Dorm Food

1. After you throw up, you feel better.

2. You can throw up whenever you want.

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7. You can lose weight throwing up.

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9. Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

10. When you throw up, you dont have to come back for seconds.

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12. Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

13. You can throw up without a photo ID.

14. Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

15. They dont ration throw-up.

16. After you throw up, at least you know what youve eaten.

17. Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

18. You dont have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

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Marriage jokes

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain andAbel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boysasked, "Whats that?" Adam replied, "Boys, thats where your mother ateus out of house and home."

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