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Four Catholic Ladies

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

by (few years ago!) / 969 views
(Rated 5 Stars - 3 votes)
 

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Religious jokes

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"Bernie: "The dog came here to pray.""Oh, come on." says the Rabbi."YES!" says Bernie.Rabbi: "I dont believe you. You are just fooling around; thats not aproper thing to do in temple."Bernie: "Its true!".."Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do.""OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school????"Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"

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Dog jokes

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

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lawyer jokes

Three surgeons were discussing which types of patients they preferred to operate on. Doctor Waters said, "I prefer librarians. All of their organs are alphabetized."

Doctor Franklin replied, "I prefer mathematicians because all of their organs are numbered."

Lastly, Doctor Zang responded, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."

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No More Blonde Jokes at Heigl’s Expense

In the pilot episode of Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Izzie Stevens begs to be taken seriously as a doctor, not stereotyped as just a hot blonde.

She eventually earned respect — and the actress who portrays her, Katherine Heigl, won the same battle with her performances at season's end.

At the end of Season Two, a heartbreaking story line in which transplant patient and Izzie love interest Denny Duquette (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) dies has given Heigl the status she has sought to attain as a proven actress.

"For me in this industry, I think it helped people to see me as more than just a face or a body, which was very gratifying. I have waited probably my entire career to do something more with what I have than just what people expect," Heigl told the New York Daily News.

The 27-year-old actress and model previously starred on the WB's Roswell, and has nearly a dozen film credits to her name. But the emotional scenes on Grey's Anatomy, especially the climactic one in which Izzie arrived to see Denny after his successful heart transplant only to find he had died from medical complications, took her to another level.

The powerful scene came from a real place, Heigl said. Her older brother died when she was seven, and the Connecticut native used those memories, and her family's stories, to capture what she imagined Izzie's emotional response would be.

"He was 15. A week from his 16th birthday, and he was in a car accident," Katherine said. "It's one of those things that pretty much devastates an entire family for years and years, and then it changes the entire dynamic for the rest of your life… Everything is different forever now. But I have an amazing family, and I think that we have lived with it gracefully."

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The way you say it

It's not what you say, but the way you say it.

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."

The girl was very flattered.

What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thats why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

by (few years ago!)
By My Side

Her husband had been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business fell, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you gave me support.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side."

She just smiled and held his hand.

He then continued, saying "When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."

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Marriage jokes

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Fatherasked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike."sighing deeply, she replied, "Thats exactly what he asked me aboutyou."

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Ever hear the expression "hard drinker" ? Never made much senseto me, drinkings one of the easiest things in the world to do.

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office jokes

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generator running.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

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