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computer jokes

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."

Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."

In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

by (few years ago!) / 664 views
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Similar Jokes

Affair with a Dentist

Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after
hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."

"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.

"Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"

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THE BLONDE AND THE SPORTS CAR

A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.

Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."

"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his member out.

Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!

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ORDERING DINNER


Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.

The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

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Dog jokes

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?A hen that lays pooched eggs.

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blonde jokes

An unfortunate blonde left her car out in a nasty hail storm one afternoon. When the storm was over, she checked the car and found out that it was covered with small dents.

She went to the local garage and inquired about how to fix the problem. The mechanic jokingly told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would be removed. So, she took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe.

Another blonde came by and inquired about what she was doing. The first blonde said that she was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents.

The other blonde responded, "That's not going to work unless you roll up the windows!"

by (few years ago!)
THE STRATEGIST AT THE PEARLY GATES


A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are moving faster than others.

St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Bill Clinton's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is.

"Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

My computer made a funny sound the other day.Of course, Ive never heard it get thrown out a window before.

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Blonde jokes

This blonde is so stupid, she called me to get my telephone number!

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Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 3

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to eschew jumping but rather to embrace running around like its step-siblings. As the rabbit grew up, however, it soon faced an identity crisis. It went to its step-parents to discuss the problem. It said how it felt different from its step-siblings, was unsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response was,
"Don't scurry, be hoppy."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, Id take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, Id take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, Id take it and throw it into the river."He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

by (few years ago!)
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