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Hunter Gutted

Two hunters were hunting deer when one accidently shot his friend. At the hospital the shooter asked the doctor if his friend would be ok.

"Well, he WOULD have been if you hadn't gutted him."

by (few years ago!) / 631 views
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Programming language acronyms

ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance

BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion

C: Crud
C: Confusing

COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics

FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland

LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses

PASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language

by (few years ago!)
ANY LAST REQUESTS


Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "firel

by (few years ago!)
I'm on the wrong bus joke text

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!

by (few years ago!)
Half The Job

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

by (few years ago!)
An old man was on his death bed

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Why didnt you answer me ?Pupil: I did, I shook my headTeacher: You dont expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

by (few years ago!)
Blind Man's Dog

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.



"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"



"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.



"That's the one!"



"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"



"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."

by (few years ago!)
HIDDEN TALENTS


These two buddies are sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy sitting at the other end of the bar.

"I don't get it," complained the first guy, "He's not good looking, he has absolutely no taste in clothes, and he drives a beat up wreck of a car, yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here!"

"Yeah," replies his buddy, "He's not even a very good conversationally, all he does is sit there and lick his eyebrows.

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

Zoo visitor: Whats the new baby hippos name? Hippopotamus keeper: I dont know, he wont tell me.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

why dont men do laundry? cause the washer and dryer dont run on remote control!

by (few years ago!)
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