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AFL (Aussie Rules) Jokes

recently arrived immigrant was sitting at his home - terrified after watching going to his first game of footy.

His mate came in and saw how scared he was and asked what was wrong.

"I am not ever going back to the Melbourne Cricket Ground again!" the new arrival said.

"After the game I saw thousands of people running around the carpark yelling "We waz robbed! We waz robbed!!!"

by (few years ago!) / 1777 views
(Rated 5 Stars - 1 votes)
 

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Teacher: Whats 2 and 2Pupil: 4Teacher: Thats goodPupil: Good ?, thats perfect !

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A LUCKY BREAK

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled."

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A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I wont get worms!"

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UPSETTING THE STEWARDESS


On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!"

The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"

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String

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.
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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude."

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching.

by (few years ago!)
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