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AFL (Aussie Rules) Jokes

recently arrived immigrant was sitting at his home - terrified after watching going to his first game of footy.

His mate came in and saw how scared he was and asked what was wrong.

"I am not ever going back to the Melbourne Cricket Ground again!" the new arrival said.

"After the game I saw thousands of people running around the carpark yelling "We waz robbed! We waz robbed!!!"

by (few years ago!) / 1833 views
(Rated 5 Stars - 1 votes)
 

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says OK, and drives away.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

No? Good!

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Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk - Part I

They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.

I was working smarter - not harder.

Whew! I must have left the top off the liquid paper.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

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This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

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Elephant Jokes

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
Time to fix the fence!


What's big, gray and flies straight up?
An elecopter!


What's gray, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
A get wellephant!


What's gray and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine!


What's gray and highly dangerous?
An elephant with a machine gun!


What's big and gray and lives in a lake in Scotland?
The Loch Ness Elephant!


What's big and gray and has 16 wheels?
An elephant on roller skates!


Policeman: "One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle."
Zoo Keeper: "Nonsense, none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!"


Why do the elephants have short tails?
Because they can't remember long stories!


How to you keep an elephant in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!


What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!


What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?


What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 3,000 miles!


What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry?
A gooseberry is green!


Teacher: " To which family does the elephant belong?"
Pupil: " I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"


How do you spell elephant?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t
"That's not how the dictionary spells it"
"You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!"


Teacher: "Name six wild animals"
Pupil: " Four elephants and two lions!"


What do elephants sing at Christmas?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants... Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus!


What's the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!


What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?
I don't know!


What's gray and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
An elephant with hiccups!


What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?
An elephant in a lift!


What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
An elephant's shadow!


When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby elephant!


How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!


What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet

Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chicken was having a day off!


What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!


Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up.

by (few years ago!)
A DIFFERENT KIND OF TOUCHDOWN


An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score."

After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score." The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more.

Straining, the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."

by (few years ago!)
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