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AFL (Aussie Rules) Jokes

Sorry if you are a collingwood fan, there there seems to be a bit of bias towards jokes about the Magpies

by (few years ago!) / 481 views
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THE WITTLE WABBITS


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!"A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"

by (few years ago!)
What do you call a three-legged donkey with one eye

Once you get started with the wonky jokes, you really can’t stop until you get them all out there. Plus, you can gauge just how drunk your companions are based on how funny they find these jokes. They sound hilarious, but if you don’t understand the lingo, the punch line is a bit off. The bartender came out with the third joke:

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection A pointer

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A customer comes into a computer store.“I’m looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.”
After a while the clerk replied, “have you tried Windows 2000?”

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Many of those who don't have it would like to try it - A phenomenon psychologists call "E-Mail Envy."

It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.

Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do men like blonde jokes??A: Because they can understand them.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."

Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."

In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

by (few years ago!)
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