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A very desperate marriage

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."

"Yes, this is June."

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will! Who's this?"

by (few years ago!) / 524 views
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Similar Jokes

WINDOZE QUOTES

How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"

• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."

• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."

• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."

• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."

• "I have a 386 Pentium."

• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."

• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."

• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

by (few years ago!)
Actual Medical Charts

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

by (few years ago!)
No Jokes in Group of Death

Every football tournament usually consists of groups within which team tussle out,but there's one particular group that people have always developed cold feet for,and is usually composed of teams with similar abilities to tear each other apart.

World cup 2006 had a very interesting group of death,four teams it had ,one of which hails from a volatile region called Serbia,allied to another country with a name that I'd take three days to pronounce.

The players from this region have perfected their skills while dodging bullets during war,so they evolved a form of soccer called,dodge-soccer,where the main aim is to dodge the ball and get the man coming with it.

Of course the end result has usually been matches whereby the referee has a field day dishing out cards especially the red type of cards

by (few years ago!)
Implied Letter

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and
$tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't
think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can
ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

The Reply:
Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy
are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do
NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

by (few years ago!)
Death in the Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"

by (few years ago!)
Sell Joking Sport ball

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by (few years ago!)
THE PUPPY TRADER


Hillary Clinton was on her way somewhere when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy "What kind of puppies are they?"

The boy replies, "They're Democratic puppies, Ma'am." With this she smiles and walks off.

Later on that day she mentions to Bill about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Bill was on his way to McDonald's and saw the boy and his puppies. He stops and asks the boy, "What kind of puppies are they?"

The boy replies, "They're Republican puppies, Sir."

"Republican puppies?" Bill asked. "Last week you told my wife they were Democratic puppies."

The boy replied, "I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes."

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What goes VROOM SCREECH VROOM SCREECH VROOM SCREECH A A blonde going through a flashing red light

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying outthe casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

by (few years ago!)
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