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What's Your Name?

It was the first day of the school year and the first grade teacher was asking her students their names. "What's your name?" she asked a little girl in the front row.
"Happy Butt," the little girl cheerfully replied.

"Honey, I don't think that's your name. I'd like you to go to the principal's office to get this straightened out," said the teacher.

So, the little girl went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"

"Happy Butt," she answered.

The principal phoned the little girl's mother to get this cleared up once and for all.

As soon as he hung up the phone, he looked at the litte girl and said, "Your name is Gladys, dear, not Happy Butt."

"Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?" exclaimed the little girl.

by (few years ago!) / 688 views
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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 4

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to see her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letters spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"

by (few years ago!)
STOOD OVER A TEE SHOT

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

* * *

Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed.

At this point, the other three said, "You know, the was the most touching thing I've ever seen."

And the guy answers, "Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!"


by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?A. His wife is good at picking out clothes

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, "I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through." So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, "Who are you??" Mrs. Riley replied, "I am the devil!" With that, Riley shook her hand and said, "Glad to meet ya, Im married to your sister."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

The first old drunk said, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle.

by (few years ago!)
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "Its my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "Thats not fair! I saw it first!"

"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.

At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldnt quarrel.

Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."

Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, Ill take the meat."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

An ideal homework excuseTeacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender. "One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "its fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."

by (few years ago!)
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