Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

Running The Body

In the human body, which organ is in charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *sshole.

by (few years ago!) / 848 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

Blonde jokes

How do you drown a blonde?A: When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

Why are women such bad drivers?Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.

by (few years ago!)
I am afraid of tarmac joke text

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cycle path

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer animal jokes

Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.

Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?
A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!

Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:"Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!"He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him."You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?""I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers Im hauling.""Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked."Why did you do that?""Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You dont even need a license." r The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!He cant let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop."Whats wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver."Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you cant bait em!"

by (few years ago!)
APPLIED MATHEMATICS


The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying youve got mail.

by (few years ago!)
I think I'll try a nicer approach

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.

He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all.

The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."

The wife thought that might be a good idea.

That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in.

This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?"

At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"

by (few years ago!)
AN ENGLISHMAN, AN IRISHMAN AND A SCOTSMAN


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.

The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!"

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball."I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition.""Batted .007," his wife added.

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Pain Killers

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Train

Blonde jokes

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAIS..

BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context