Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

If Microsoft built cars

Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way NOW!

6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about thew new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

10. Ford, General Motors, and Chrylser would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting radios in all its models.

by (few years ago!) / 555 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

Lawyer, docter and architect

A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.
The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that."

The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!"

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before its too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says bridge out instead?"

by (few years ago!)
The problem is at your end

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

by (few years ago!)
What do you call a judge gone bad?

What do you call a judge gone bad?

Senator.

by (few years ago!)
Top 9 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password

9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."

8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.

6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.

5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog."

4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.

and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...

1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?None. Light bulb changing isnt in the course notes.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage quotes 15

All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.

Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.

It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.

May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.

May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.

May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.

Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over."

The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.

There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. -- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

by (few years ago!)
Japanese business

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"

The Englishman spoke first.

"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."

"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."

The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

"What is your last request?"

The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

by (few years ago!)
SURPRISING NEWS


Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant.

Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White house. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well, they rang the oval office and Bill answered.

Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard? You got me pregnant!" The president remained silent.

Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!"

Bill finally answered, "Who is this?"

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Pain Killers

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAIS..

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Runnig Repairs

Marriage jokes

Train

Blonde jokes

EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

Blonde jokes

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context